Below, please find the official SFS Anti-Harassment/Bullying Policy, to be posted in Dothraki, Klingon, and Hulk-speak throughout the event, and read aloud by an animatronic Patrick Stewart at the entrance to Scarborough Spa (the last bit was a stupid lie, sorry)
1. No uninvited touching: not with your clammy hands; the tip of your movie-accurate, machined-aluminum ForceFX light saber; or any of your prosthetic hentai tentacles.
2. No Supermansplaining, Batmanspreading, or Iron Manslamming.
3. If you’re unsure whether you’re being insensitive to female attendees of the convention, please consult our new pamphlet: “What Would Hulk Do?”
4. No means no, and sometimes “I am Groot” also means no, depending on the inflection and context.
5. The phrase “Gay Iceman” should be used only in reference to the recently outed time-travelling member of the original X-Men, Bobby Drake. It is not appropriate to refer to Val Kilmer’s character from “Top Gun” as “Gay Iceman.”
6. It is similarly inappropriate to refer to Val Kilmer’s character from “Batman Forever” as “Batman.”
7. Cosplay is highly encouraged at SFS! However, we do not permit the wearing or display of anything that is sexually explicit or obscene, such as:
– George Clooney’s Batnipples™
– Carrie Fisher’s Bikini Line
– Jessica Rabbit’s Hacked Cell-Phone Pics
– Stan Lee’s Moustache
8. Joking that you’re a “Hobbitual offender” will not amuse our security guards if they catch you behaving indecently.
9. Under no circumstances should you invite any fellow attendee to:
– “Visit the wand shop”
– “Kneel before Zod”
– “Grasp your infinity stones”
– “Let the Wookie win”
– “Play Riker’s trombone”
– “Awaken the Force”
– “Appreciate Seth Rogen’s understated approach to ‘The Green Hornet’ ”
10. Please do not be dismissive of Lady Thor, Ant-Man, or Depressingly Old Han Solo.
11. Please refrain from comments that are offensive to others in the SFS community, such as, “Hey, did you ever notice that ninety-eight per cent of the movies, TV shows, games, and comics represented at SFS are lily-white, misogynistic, heteronormative crap?”
12. You may only use the quip “Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?” on attendees dressed as the fourth, ninth or tenth Doctors, who have displayed an affection for bananas during their respective seasons of “Doctor Who.”
13. Finally, bullying. This is is a serious and wholly inappropriate and will not be tolerated. Anyone caught or reported to bully absolutely anyone will be removed from the event and tossed in the sea to Cthulhu who will punish them for their sins.
Like a twenty-sided dice, we know that attendees of SFS are a multifaceted community, and we hope that these simple but fun guidelines will create a safe space for all of you who help make our event the most enjoyable in the known universe!